She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Randomize
