I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.