the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
don't judge my taste in strippers
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
