fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
How drunk are you?