Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.