I think my fart just growled at me.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
