he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
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I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
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No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
do nipples grow back?
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