Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
