Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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