its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I'm at about main and main street
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Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize