I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
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