i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
