Do you still have your period?
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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