Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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