I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
