She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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