she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
