turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
