we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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