I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
