He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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