TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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