you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
