Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
