i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
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We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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