.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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