So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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