Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Even my vagina gasped.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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