hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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