Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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