I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
