its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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