I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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