Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
