it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You can't just leave with hair like that
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
