I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
