Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Randomize
