Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
