I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
