She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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