Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
