I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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