Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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