Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
only you would photoshop your dick
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
