He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
It's official drugs can't kill me
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
