My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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