he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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