I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
