Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
