I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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