We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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