last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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