why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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