dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
