need another drink. this is the easiest way
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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