Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
vagina is talking i cant
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
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