It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
