He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
