But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
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We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
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Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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