Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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