Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
