Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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