what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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