We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
