Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
It's just like the Real World with babies
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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