btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
