You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
