You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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