Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
