you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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