i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
